The Complete Guide to Everything
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The Complete Guide to Everything



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Apr 23, 2013

The TCGTE Apps are no longer supported, but the good news is that you can find all the new episodes on just about any podcast app (use the RSS URL if you need it, but we should be in just about every directory) or download the Soundcloud app for Android or iOS at

Sorry for the trouble and thanks for listening!

Apr 15, 2013

It's our 200th episode, so Tim and Tom decide to celebrate by getting very self indulgent! This week we turn the focus of the show onto the show itself and tell a couple of very long, semi-interesting stories about how the show started and how a presumed stalker almost ruined it all. We also play a rare clip from our previous podcast that you've never heard!

In a very special Tim and Tom Solve Your Problems we solve a particular problem that we've never quite faced bfore. And to top it off, Tom tells a story of a less than exciting encounter with a television prank show.

This episode is brought to you by MailChimp, a great service that we use ourselves. Check it out at

Apr 8, 2013

This week's episode begins with the disappointment that Tim and Tom were unable to attend this year's Wrestlemania and the full intention of doing the episode about a different subject entirely before the power of Wrestlemania flat-out demands that they instead indeed talk almost exclusively about wrestling. Of course this means talking about the recent Hulk Hogan Uncensored at the Beacon Theatre that neither attended, a nearly screenplay accurate recounting of the Wrestling Buddies ( commercial and Tim's close encounter with a Murphy bed.

Also discussed in depth this week: Tom's legacy as a two-term class president in high school and his attempts at recreating a wrestling fundraiser he and Tim both attended as young children where Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka screamed at him.

This episode is brought to you by MailChimp, a great service that we use ourselves. Check it out at

Apr 1, 2013

This week, despite our stated policy of not discussing anything even vaguely religious, we talk about Easter, which apparently is a very important Christian holiday. Mostly we just talk about candy, including Tom's dangerous addiction to Cadbury Eggs. We also talk about a large scale, highly competitive Easter egg hunt from Tom's childhood, coordinated by a local creepy elderly couple.

Most importantly, we discuss the very serious issues of getting lollipops at the bank, drinking beer with alcoholic ATMs and Tim announces his plans to take all his money out of the bank and keep it handcuffed to him at all times.

This episode is brought to you by MailChimp, a great service that we use ourselves. Check it out

Mar 25, 2013

This week Tim and Tom deliver a pre-taped episode recorded before their European tour which of course leads with an extensive conversation about the possibility of the episode being automatically released after their inevitable plane crash. Tim also has a lot of questions about the frail old man serving as Tom's personal butler for all of these years.

Some of the many, many urban legends around Disney Theme Park that are addressed this week include the infamous Club 33, the parks' rules around long-hairs, whether or not anyone at the park has ever been pronounced dead on the premises, and some unusual requests in Walt Disney's will surrounding the first man to become pregnant and presumably isn't Arnold Schwarzenegger. Finally the guys solve a listener problem concerning a large VHS purchase recently made at a flea market, of course.

Mar 17, 2013

This week, seasoned subway riders Tim and Tom discuss the most appropriate behavior when traveling on the NYC subway system. Answering questions like "When is it appropriate to shame someone on the internet for sitting in a seat designated for the handicapped?" (which sends Tim into a rage), "When is it appropriate to bring furniture onto the subway?" and "Should I bring a large uncovered pot of soup onto the train?" we leave no stone unturned.

Also, Tom talks about a man playing Misfits covers at 8 a.m., and we imagine what it would be like if everyone in America started eating frogs legs. Also, we solve a problem from a listener who has a friend that constantly talks about annoying stuff.

This episode is brought to you by MailChimp, a great service that we use ourselves. Check it out at

Mar 10, 2013

This week we take on the thrilling subject of purchasing your food at the supermarket, a process that often confounds Tim and Tom despite that they are grown men in their 30s.

 In this episode we talk about getting into altercations with experienced shoppers in supermarkets, the merits of leaving milk in the refrigerator until it solidifies for easier disposal, tricking your children into thinking your favorite cereal is health food, the many infurating new flavors of mayonnaise and the strange cases of Miracle Whip and Cool Whip.

This episode is sponsored by MailChimp, a great service we use ourselves. Check it out at

Mar 4, 2013

This week we talk about Martial Arts, because we've both been endlessly fascinated by people punching and kicking each other. First, we recap our NYC live show and our experience at an open mic comedy night in which the comedian is a horrible racist. Then Tim talks about a Judo championship match he is attending because of the prospect of free beer, and Tom reminisces about being a teenager and studying the art of karate in a strip mall dojo alongside a sad man in his 30s. Then, we solve a problem from a listener who is dating a man considerably older than her.

This week's episode is brought to you by MailChimp, a great service we use ourselves. Check it out at

Feb 25, 2013

Tim starts off by promising this will be an all karaoke episode but quickly loses interest and begins discussing the harmonies in Neil Young songs at detail instead. Instead the guys decide to do an all Tim and Tom Solve Your Problems to officially open the gates for listeners to send in their problems for the upcomingNew York City and European shows in March. The first problem is a follow-up from Terrence, who previously wrote in to complain about not being able to attract girls as easily now that he works for a non-profit. Now he wants to know how to make friends as a single man in his 30s. This of course leads to a discussion of old grizzled surfer guys, the time Tim did a 360 on a boogie board and the time he almost killed himself trying to surf. Tom explains the difference between wet suits and dry suits and Tim's parents buy a young Tim a custom-made bootleg Scottie Pippin jersey.

Lastly Tim and Tom solve Katrina's problem concerning her male BFF systematically working his way through all of her friends' pants and Carolyn asks us to solve her problem concerning the return of The Office DVDs lent to a friend a long time ago.

Feb 17, 2013

This week we talk about the latest terrifying meteor and asteroid events that made us all think that we might possibly die suddenly and without warning at any time. We also discuss NASA's starting lack of telescopes, the difference between an asteroid and a meteor and why Fred Flintstone was kind of a jerk.

Also, Tim tells a tale of an aggressive truck driver who might be tracking him down to do him harm, we announce a New York live show (March 1st at UCB East) and we hear from someone on the "inside" at McDonald's who we plan to get special information from.

This week's episode is brought to you by MailChimp, a great service that we use ourselves. Check them out at

Feb 11, 2013

This week, we go further down the McDonald’s rabbit hole and discuss the strange case of the Arch Deluxe, a hamburger marketed towards adults, and how kids everywhere thought that this pepper- flavored burger might convince their parents to eat fast food seven nights a week. We also talk about the brief history of hot dogs at the Golden Arches, which were banned for being “unhygienic” and debate whether or not Chicken Selects are available across the United States. (By the way, if your local McDonald’s sells Chicken Selects, take a picture and send an email to so that Tim can win his $1,000 bet with Tom.)

We spend a good amount of time discussing this brilliant article posted on The Awl that dreams of a McWorld in Times Square that would provide a global McDonald’s experience. You should read it immediately:

Additionally, we start off with some snow talk, debating the difference between a Snowmageddon and a Snowpocalypse while decrying the shoddy treatment of local TV weathermen whenever a B-list celebrity drops by.

This episode is brought to you by MailChimp, a great service that we actually use for our newsletters. Check it out at

Feb 4, 2013

This week Tom receives more mail from the local cemetery and has a run-in with a conspiracy theorist on the subway, leading to a frank discussion about the Illuminati and immortality. Also Tim explains how he doesn't like people who love science, but wouldn't mind donating his body to it as long as he can make sure it isn't used to scare children after he's dead.

On the subject of McDonalds the guys discuss promotional menus, "eating" a milkshake, Grilled Onion Chedder burgers, Fish McBites, McRib, Shamrock Shake, the origins of the McRib, Hulu burgers and Tim's run in with his McDonalds employee crush from 15 years ago. Before they wrap up they also take a moment to solve a problem with a woman who doesn't want her boyfriend asking her parents to marry her.

Jan 28, 2013

The BIG GAME is next week, and we're spending every waking moment preparing for it. After some initial confusion regarding the Super Bowl vs. Big Game Hunting, we talk about various foods found at Superbowl parties, Domino's Pizza foray into different types of food, the merits of having a party every Sunday evening, why Superman can't play in the Super Bowl, why Batman is a bad detective and debate whether or not an NFL player should be allowed to get a free pass to Disneyworld if it's possible that he was involved in a violent crime.

We also announce the details of our upcoming tour in UK and Ireland and prepare to be shipwrecked on the way there. If you want more details on our tour, check out

In a new installment of Tim and Tom Solve Your Problems, we tackle a question from a listener who is ashamed of his job working for a charity.

This week's episode is brought to you by MailChimp. Check out their awesome service for free at

Jan 21, 2013

This week we recap the 2013 CES! Learn all about the latest gadgets and gizmos, as well as an old second rate Spencer's Gifts-style store in the local mall called Gadgets and Gizmos. Before the tech talk Tim goes over some of his favorite dangerous car bits and Tom gets a flu shot from a somewhat shady Chinatown doctor.

Once the tech talkin' begins we go through The Verge's best of CES 2013 list and discuss this year's monstrous 4K TVs, convertible laptops, the Fitbit Flex, Oculus Rift virtual reality glasses, the Pebble smartwatch, Qualcomm's disastrous keynote presentation, Audi's self-driving cars and Microsoft's IllumiRoom technology which might just find itself in the Xbox 720.

This week's sponsor is Mailchimp. Check out their awesome service for free and sign up for our Mailchimp-powered mailing list at

Jan 14, 2013

Everyone's getting the flu. Don't leave your home. If you must go out into the world, don't shake any hands or talk to anyone who isn't wearing a surgical mask. And for Pete's sake, don't kiss anyone on the mouth until at least April.

Luckily Tim and Tom have managed to avoid getting sick so far. This week we discuss the flu epidemic, getting a flu shot (including Tim's experience with a bewitching pharmacist and an unruly customer) and telling your doctor to shut up. 

We also resurrect the segment "A Particular Type of A**hole You Didn't Know Existed Until The New York Times Pointed Them Out To You" and disagree about who the titular a**hole is in this situation. And in a new installment of "Tim and Tom Solve Your Problems" we suspect the young lady seeking our advice is not being completely honest with us.

Jan 7, 2013

This week's episode is the first installment of our new series of Urban Legends themed episodes (which will appear monthly, or until we forget about them). This week we're talking about college.

Are sorority houses illegal under some states' brothel laws? Do you get straight A's if your roommate commits suicide? Did some nerd win a car for reading the small print in a textbook? Do you really get 200 points on the SAT for spelling your name correctly? Tim and Tom get to the bottom of these questions and more, with the help of the extremely informative website

Also, we discuss mistakes we made on New Year's Eve and somehow get on the topic of Kindergarten Cop. In a new Tim and Tom Solve Your Problems, we help out a smart dude with a dumb co-worker. (There are Go-Karts involved.)

Dec 31, 2012

This week Tim has had enough of Christmas and would like you all to stop even though Christmas ended nearly a week ago. Also Tom becomes a member of a museum and feels pretty smug about it. In this episode the guys discuss the movies of 2012, including Sleepwalk with Me, Moonrise Kingdom, The Dark Knight Rises, The Avengers, Underworld, Red Tails, Chronicle, Ghost Rider, Wanderlust, A Thousand Words, 21 Jump Street, The Hunger Games, Cabin in the Woods, Dark Shadows, The Dictator, Battleship, Men in Black 3 and Life of Pi. It is important to note that neither Tim nor Tom have seen the majority of the movies discussed.

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Dec 24, 2012

2012 was a crazy year in entertainment, what with all of those wacky celebrities getting into hilarious or tragic scrapes, that we decided to recap the year's biggest stories. We talk all about Jay-Z & Beyonce, Lindsay Lohan, Hulk Hogan, Amanda Bynes, Jessica Simpson and some other folks we don't really know much about to sort out what was hot in 2012.

We also discuss our mixed feelings about the lack of an apocalypse this year and how we would hope the end of the world to play out. 

Oh, and we also go over Tim's twitter "feud" with none other than 80s icon Richard Marx, who listened to our episode about him and took offense to many of Tim's comments.

Dec 16, 2012

This week Tim proposes all December holidays be boiled down into a 1 hour surprise celebration and Tom goes to a Richard Marx concert. We also discuss The Hobbit, commercial jingles, remarking when brothers look like each other, and Tom has trouble accepting that Regis Philbin isn't coming back. Additionally we solve a problem about a man's fear of flying.

To consider donating to help the ongoing relief in some of the communities hardest hit by Hurricane Sandy please visit Respond and Rebuild at

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Dec 10, 2012

On a very special episode, we discuss two beloved Christmas specials: Emmet Otter's Jug Band Christmas and Frosty the Snowman. Of course, these conversations devolve into Tim's problems with the current state of the Muppets, his feelings about the problems with eight year olds today and an indictment of magicians in general.

Also, we talk about the perils of doing hard drugs and sleeping under a bridge, and solve a problem from a listener involving taking sexy pictures of a lady to raise money for an engagement ring.

This episode is brought to you by Get a free audiobook and a 30-day trial today by signing up at

Dec 3, 2012

This week we cover the holiday TV specials: How The Grinch Stole Christmas, The Polar Express, A Charlie Brown Christmas, I Want a Dog for Christmas Charlie Brown, and The Star Wars Holiday Special.

Also, we discuss leftover antibiotics, Tom has a furniture mover steal $0.25 from him, Tim describes his perfect piece of furniture, whether Alfred Hitchcock and The 3 Stooges are alive still, why Derek Jeter doesn't beat himself up over errors, misunderstanding Bea Arthur as a drag queen as a child, 50 Shades of Tim update and we solve a problem involving a grandson not wanting his grandpa to send him to space camp.

Nov 25, 2012

In this thrilling conclusion to last week's episode, we talk more about the experience of moving. Instead of complaining about movers, we complain about the insane world of New York City brokers and give some tips on how to deal with them.

Also, Tom has a less than ideal trip to a sushi restaurant with his family and Tim comes up with a foolproof idea to prevent being murdered in your sleep. In a new installment of Tim and Tom Solve Your Problems, we get in the middle of a roommate-related love triangle.

Nov 19, 2012

Tom forgets the intro, we talk sweaters, cautious optimism for Girl Meets World, and an explanation of how terrible Tim and Tom were as teenagers before getting the main topic at hand: Moving. Tim and Tom discuss movers constantly dealing with the most stressed out people in the world, Tom's fascination with negative Yelp reviews for movers, movers nowadays all being skinny guys, Tim being duped into helping his movers move, counting money, and a barking dog problem is solved.

Nov 12, 2012

Earlier this week, the world heard the news that a new installment of a little-seen art house film from the 70s called Star Wars is in the works. The internet exploded with excitement at the prospect of a new sequel in a series that people absolutely hate exactly half of. In this episode, we talk about the upcoming Star Wars Episode VII, as well as the cult of Star Wars in general. 

Also in this episode, Tom informs Tim of his legal obligation to always record the podcast while wearing a shirt, and Tim regrets giving Tom power of attorney. Also, Tom takes steroids for a week and gets unexpectedly emotional. Finally, we present a new installment of Fifty Shades of Tim, in which things really start getting gross.

Nov 5, 2012

It's been a week since our episode recorded right before Hurricane Sandy hit New York City. The good news is that this week we were able to be in the same physical space to record! The bad news is that Hurricane Sandy devastated our city. We discuss our own personal experiences during the storm (spoiler alert: neither of us were affected much more than mildly inconvenienced), the 24 hours news cycle making everyone think everything is over-hyped and Tim almost gets punched in the face while waiting in a long line for gasoline. Also Tom visits the Brooklyn Botanical Garden for the first time and discovers it's just full of horrible children. We also solve a listener problem concerning trick or treating as an adult/non-child.

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